Guilty Love

Know that feeling when you make something awesome and worked hard for it, then your best friend comes in and makes something even better, and worse, it's damn perfect?

I have to tell somebody. It hurts a lot but my best friend went and stole my thunder again. And it's not even her fault.

My primary talent is writing, while I consider drawing as a delightful hobby I happen to excel in. But nobody appreciates a writer as well as an artist, and just when I feel like I can accomplish something and draw something she comes in and blows all my fans away. I scramble for the top, but she always reaches it first. 

And I don't blame her for it either, because she's just her and she was born great at drawing, and I've always known that. I feel horrible that I'm jealous of my best friend but I can't help it. I'm happy for her, but want to kick myself at the same time because as much as I keep trying will I ever be better than her? Scratch that, will I ever be able to make a name separate from her, without using one of her techniques and adapting it to suit my style? 

For example, I draw a beautiful pony - as in a My Little Pony pony - for this group I'm in. Then I add her, and she makes a damn PERFECT one, complete with highlights that she never wore in her life. Did I mention she became art editor after only a year at the school newspaper where we both belong? Is it my fault I ended up in News when I wanted to be in Literary, and didn't do as much as I should? 

She records herself singing and dubs songs that she uploads into Youtube. Heck, she can write her own songs! And here I am, wrestling with the mike, trying to find a way to stop it from making me sound like a complete ass when I know I can sing well in person. Dude, I've done recitals, and putting all humility aside I may not be the next Charice Pempengco nor am I some grand soprano that deserves to do solos in choruses but I can hold my own. And then she goes bopping like a rockstar and everybody loves her and I just cheer for her as my heart cracks inside.

Then there are the friends I made in said pony group. I love my friends there. They're the first guy friends I've made EVER. The first PROPER guy friends I've made ever. We just clicked, and they didn't treat me as weird, or crazy, they accepted me as who I am even when I told them I couldn't go to the cinema with them because my parents wouldn't let me. And then now my heart is slowly breaking into little pieces when she hums a tune and they say, "Oh my God I love that song!!" and start talking about stuff I don't know. What's worse is that I'm not really into the MLP fandom, only know what my friends and fanfiction tell me, nor into the Doctor Who fandom, or Sherlock... but Toni knows more than I do about those and now they're leaving me out of the loop, and I feel like I'm losing them... which is stupid, I know. 

Oh God what is wrong with me?!?! We've been friends for FIVE YEARS!! BEST friends!! Somebody please help me... Tell me what I should do...