Guilty Love

Know that feeling when you make something awesome and worked hard for it, then your best friend comes in and makes something even better, and worse, it's damn perfect?

I have to tell somebody. It hurts a lot but my best friend went and stole my thunder again. And it's not even her fault.

My primary talent is writing, while I consider drawing as a delightful hobby I happen to excel in. But nobody appreciates a writer as well as an artist, and just when I feel like I can accomplish something and draw something she comes in and blows all my fans away. I scramble for the top, but she always reaches it first. 

And I don't blame her for it either, because she's just her and she was born great at drawing, and I've always known that. I feel horrible that I'm jealous of my best friend but I can't help it. I'm happy for her, but want to kick myself at the same time because as much as I keep trying will I ever be better than her? Scratch that, will I ever be able to make a name separate from her, without using one of her techniques and adapting it to suit my style? 

For example, I draw a beautiful pony - as in a My Little Pony pony - for this group I'm in. Then I add her, and she makes a damn PERFECT one, complete with highlights that she never wore in her life. Did I mention she became art editor after only a year at the school newspaper where we both belong? Is it my fault I ended up in News when I wanted to be in Literary, and didn't do as much as I should? 

She records herself singing and dubs songs that she uploads into Youtube. Heck, she can write her own songs! And here I am, wrestling with the mike, trying to find a way to stop it from making me sound like a complete ass when I know I can sing well in person. Dude, I've done recitals, and putting all humility aside I may not be the next Charice Pempengco nor am I some grand soprano that deserves to do solos in choruses but I can hold my own. And then she goes bopping like a rockstar and everybody loves her and I just cheer for her as my heart cracks inside.

Then there are the friends I made in said pony group. I love my friends there. They're the first guy friends I've made EVER. The first PROPER guy friends I've made ever. We just clicked, and they didn't treat me as weird, or crazy, they accepted me as who I am even when I told them I couldn't go to the cinema with them because my parents wouldn't let me. And then now my heart is slowly breaking into little pieces when she hums a tune and they say, "Oh my God I love that song!!" and start talking about stuff I don't know. What's worse is that I'm not really into the MLP fandom, only know what my friends and fanfiction tell me, nor into the Doctor Who fandom, or Sherlock... but Toni knows more than I do about those and now they're leaving me out of the loop, and I feel like I'm losing them... which is stupid, I know. 

Oh God what is wrong with me?!?! We've been friends for FIVE YEARS!! BEST friends!! Somebody please help me... Tell me what I should do...

Memory's Fragments: Preview

Proportion? What is this
proportion you speak of?

That horrible moment you draw a masterpiece on pad paper.

So, a non-ranty post! Yay!

Yeah, so you guys get to see my art for the first time here. This is a preview of the main character for my upcoming D.Gray-man fanfiction, Memory's Fragments.

Sorry about the one on the left, that was something done in school when I tried to decide how long her stocking should be, and ended up becoming a full-blown reference picture, complete with all them darn ornaments on the jacket. Now that took forever to do. Originally she was supposed to have stockings as long as Lenalee's, but my best friend (not Claire) told me to just stick to knee-high ones.

Yes, she wears shorts. You just can't see them (yet). And her skirt is also much longer than Lenalee's.

I love the inking here.

The one on the right comes from before she becomes an Exorcist. You will see just where she gets/wears these clothes when I finally get around to typing the fanfiction (in March. As you can probably predict now.). No worries, I already have 8 chapters written out and more still coming. This fic doesn't feel like freezing anytime soon, unlike my old ones.

And yes, this is totally me procrastinating as usual. Now I've made a promise to myself to stay off Facebook and the internet until - I know you're getting tired of hearing this, coz I am - March 17.

Belle looks sadly at the open textbook lying next to her, numbers and letters dancing on the page with the words GEOMETRIC SEQUENCE in bold letters on the top. Mournfully, she speaks.


Oh why do I always end up doing my Math homework last?

Signing off,
Belle

Recital: Guitars, Teachers, and Respect

So.

Today was my recital. Yeah, the one where I play Canon in D?

Good news: I managed to play it better. Miss got me a slower version of the minus one, and it was great! I actually felt hopeful the first time I played with it, because that was also the first time I managed to finish the whole piece in one go!

Bad news: My guitar was out of tune when I played.

****.               

Oh How I Hate Thee, Canon in D

Canon in D, Canon in D

Oh how I hate thee, Canon in D

After 7 years of meeting you yearly

You could have left me alone, but no

That is why I hate thee, Canon in D

I'd add more, but I have no idea how to describe just how horrible 32nd notes are.

Whiny post is whiny. You have been warned.